you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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