i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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