I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this just has baby written all over it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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