I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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