Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
