i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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