do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
