is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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