so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
