I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just cropdusted the office
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
