I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
