I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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