About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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