Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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