New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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