I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
