How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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