also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
