So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
