My Higher Power is John Stamos
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
