She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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