i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize