then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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