I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
