just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
