I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
