You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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