i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
