I CAN MOONWALK!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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