I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
