I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
