I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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