we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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