At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
