don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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