Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
