I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize