the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
