When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
