I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
