My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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