My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
