She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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