Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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