If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
