i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
