I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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