WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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