I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
