As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
