what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
