I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
