I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
