I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
