No, you can still breathe under the balls.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
