first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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