I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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