well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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