I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
