my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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