I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
