yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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