Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
