end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
