Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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