At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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