Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
