It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
