It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize