please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize