Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
