i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
