ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize