tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
