Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
