i will never coherently bang her
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
