How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
