i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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