Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
