But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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