a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
