Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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