His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize