omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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