My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
