Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
