A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
