Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
