my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize