OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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