This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
