tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize