You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
