Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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