Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
