I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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