Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
