I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
