If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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