He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
