There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
