but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
