Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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