well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize