So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
