What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
