the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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