I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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